halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
