rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
