when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
