Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I would fuck him just for his dog
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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