What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
