I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
