The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
