we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
