Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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