The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
