I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
