Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
