don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We are two peas in an std pod
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
