how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
