Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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