So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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