And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
