Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
