how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
