Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
