my mouth tastes like poor choices
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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