Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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