Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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