So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
