He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
