Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
