So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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