My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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