I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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