You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
