I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
