She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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