i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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