Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
