please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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