I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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