Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
