i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
