That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
