Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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