The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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