I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cut my penus on the lid.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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