i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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