Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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