May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I love you.
Bad choice
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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