so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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