Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
