lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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