Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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