why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
