This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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