we're blogging at a bar
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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