I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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