i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will be naked everywhere
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
