So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Randomize
