i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
