...so i touched it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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