Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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