uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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