I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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