She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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