My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize